


The Lies We Tell, The Lives We Change

by Serenity131



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Difficult Decisions, Dream Sex, F/M, Friendship, Heartbreak, Love Triangles, Lyrium Addiction, Romance, Skyhold
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-16 10:27:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5824990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenity131/pseuds/Serenity131
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every action has a consequence, and it changes everything around us, for good or ill.  This story focuses on the Inquisitor beginning a budding relationship with Blackwall, only to have everything fall apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Infatuation

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fanfiction and I hope you enjoy it. I'll admit to being a little nervous at having others read what I've wrote. I'd love constructive feedback & comments.  
> Thanks!

Lorelai watched Blackwall training in the yard with the new recruits of Skyhold. She had come in the past weeks to admire Blackwall’s skill and loyalty, and now, his physique. Tonight is the night, she thought to herself. All the weeks of flirting and innuendo would come to a rewarding end. Blackwall glanced over at her, as though sensing he was part of her thoughts, and raised his eyebrows, a knowing gleam in his eyes. She gave him a saucy smile and a wink, and turned back in to the keep.

She was due for a sweaty romp, and Blackwall fit the bill perfectly. A little fling is exactly what she had in mind, and hopefully, Blackwall would indulge. She wondered what type of lover he would be. Well, he took instruction well, always a plus in her book. Amused with herself, she went up to her quarters for a soak in a marble bath and to begin her feminine rituals in preparation for the night ahead.

On her way through the main hall, she passed her advisors. “Inquisitor, we have some reports for you.” Josephine handed her the most recent stack of reports as Lorelai sighed at the size of them. “I’ll get to these in the morning, Ambassador. Right now, all I want is a soak in the tub.”

“Of course, Inquisitor. If you’ll please excuse me, there are some nobles I must greet in person.” Josephine made a slight bow of her head and went on her way, with Leiliana and Cullen following in her wake. Her eyes captured Cullen’s for just a moment as he passed, and her breath hitched, like always. He gave her a shallow nod, smiled, completely avoided eye contact, and continued on his way. Cullen. Now that was a man. He had occupied her thoughts ever since their first consul meeting in Haven. She had tried flirting with him there, and only succeeded in making him uncomfortable and flustered. She had come to the regrettable conclusion that he didn’t feel the same way about her as she felt about him. All she had now were increasing erotic dreams about him night after night. After night. Feeling her mood beginning to plummet, she shook off all thoughts of Cullen as she went to her chambers.

She opened the door to her bedroom and looked around with a contented sigh. Her bath was ready, with steam rising from the water. And it would always be the perfect temperature, thanks to Dagna and her tinkering and rune crafting. Her room was full of Dagna’s inventions. Her favorite being the musical device that would play music recorded into it. Dagna had been a stroke of luck for the Inquisition, and relied on her absolutely. And had become a friend in the process. Lorelai walked over to it now, and put on one of her favorites, the Moonlight Sonata, and the romantic piano notes soon filled the air.

She slipped out of her clothes and into the steamy bathwater, all the way up to her chin. She could feel the stress of the day roll off her as she soaked in the luxurious marble tub. The scent of her honeysuckle and oats bath soap permeated the air and soaked into her skin. She had really wanted her Jasmine bath scents, but she was out. _Need to place an order for more she thought drowsily_. Did Cullen like the scent of Jasmine? She wondered. Cullen. So roguish, with the scar above his lip. The way he’d half smile/smirk. Those calloused hands, and scars from Maker knows how many battles. What would those hardened hands feel like on her? His breath on her neck, working his way down, down, down….

*****************************************************************************************

Blackwall watched Lorelai sashay out of the training yard. He drank in every feature of her being; from her golden hair glinting in the sunlight, a full generous mouth made for kisses, and eyes the color of springs green grass, which could soothe a wounded soul or pierce a person to a standstill with a single glance. How someone as lovely as she could be interested in someone like him was a mystery. That she was a mage, and of a noble family, did not matter a single bit to him. He hoped to be worthy of her, and of her trust in him. _You deceive her. She doesn‘t really know you…,_ a thought whispered through his mind. He grimaced, banished the thought, and headed back towards training his men. A shadow to his left startled him. Leiliana. _Maker’s balls, she’s a scary beast!_ He wondered how long she had been standing there. Watching. Observing. The coolness in her eyes told him she had been standing there long enough. He gave her a weak smile and nod, and nearly ran back to the training yard. Maker’s balls, he hoped he didn’t wind up with a knife in his kidneys.

 

*****************************************************************************************

_Interesting. Has Blackwall moved on so quickly?_ Leilana‘s eyes narrowed in speculation, as Blackwall walked with haste back to the soldiers. She’d made it known to him that she knew of his infatuation with Josephine. He had backed down rather quickly when Leiliana had spoken with him and administered thinly veiled threats should any harm befall Josie. Josie needed someone to watch over her, and Leiliana had wondered if his admiration of Josephine would stand up under her scrutiny, however, Blackwall had backed down at the first moment of confrontation, unwilling to fight for Josie. Now it seemed he had moved on to the Inquisitor. Lorelai could take care of herself, but she’d be watching all the same. Leilana turned and made her way up to her tower, wondering what events would unfold in the coming weeks. Her instincts told her something was amiss with Blackwall. She just had to figure out what, before it was to late.

 

******************************************************************************************

Cullen departed company from Josephine and Leiliana and headed up to his office. There, he sat behind his desk and rubbed his face in his hands. Maker, this was torture. Lorelai Trevelyan, age 24, youngest daughter of six children to Marcus and Natalia Trevelyan. Quirky, quick-witted woman with a sense of humor, all to often absent from many of the women of his acquaintance. A puzzling combination of woman and child. She commanded an Inquisition and made decisions that shook the world. At the same time, she ate ice cream with the fervor of a child, still taking delight in the small things. A sinuous, graceful body, yards of lush, golden hair, and eyes that seemed to see right through him. Her eyes mesmerized him; they reminded him of cats eyes, clever and quick, haughty and sensual, predatory and playful. Maker, he couldn’t keep his thoughts off of her.

He had managed to bury his feelings for her, except for the damn dreams, which were coming with more frequency, and at first, he could only remember parts of the dreams when he awoke. But now, they were so vivid and he was having a hard time even looking at the Inquisitor when they met anywhere, as he was sure she could see the desire written all over his face.

The dreams started out in different locations; his desk, his bed, her bed, and his favorite, the lake just outside of Skyhold. And always they escalated quickly to erotic sex, and jolted him awake frustrated and full of need. _It must be the lyrium_ _withdrawal_  he told himself. It was the only thing that made sense. _Or, you know, you just have a thing for mages_ he thought with a self-depreciating shake of his head.

His first love, Everly, mage, the Hero of Ferelden, and now wife of the Grey Warden Alistair. The year before the circle fell had been the sweetest of his life. It had been all stolen moments, true, but they had been happy. Then Everly’s damned compassion got the better of her while helping out her friend and fellow mage, and was shipped off to the wardens; then the circle fell, and after that, Kirkwall. But Cullen could look back on the time now with Everly with fond nostalgia. It pleased him to remain friends with her, and also with Alistair.

Cullen rubbed his face again and looked at the stack of papers and reports on his desk. He’d been going full throttle for days now, and all he felt at this moment was fatigue. He looked at that ladder leading up to his quarters, then back to his desk. Without another thought, he climbed the ladder to his bed, stripped out of his armor and underclothes, and fell headfirst into bed, and was asleep within minutes.

*******************************************************************************************


	2. The Lake

Water glistened on her naked body as Lorelai stood hip deep in the lake, shadows and mist swirling around her. The water temperature was perfect, as it only can be in dreams. The moon was full, and the stars glittered like a thousand diamonds in the sky. The throbbing, romantic threads of her piano music could still be heard. She glided a few steps and submerged beneath the water, pushed herself out and down towards the middle of the lake. She swam the short distance to the bottom and pushed herself back up to the top. Lazily, she floated on her back to admire the night sky and slowly backstroked towards the shore.

Cullen stood at a top ridge of the shoreline in bare feet, bare chest, and the thinnest of linen trousers, shadowed by the towering trees. He stood rooted there, unable to move, bewitched by the woman frolicking and swimming in the lake. The haunting romantic piano melody pulsed around him. The mist rose about him, delicately, and swirled to the rhythm of the music. A faint breeze stirred the night air.

He was almost undone at the sight of her on her back, her peaked nipples pointed heavenward. Her sinuous body languid on the water; hair floating almost spectral like in the water. He shut his eyes tight and fought his growing arousal, _This is just a dream. Control, man!!_ He opened them again, startled when he realized Lorelai had stood up in the water, and was looking directly at him.

The water trailed down her body gloriously, and Cullen wanted to whimper with the desire to let his fingers trace down every water trail. _This is just a dream. This is just a dream. This IS just a dream, what harm is there to give in…Maker, I can‘t resist…_

Lorelai slowly made her way up to where he was standing, her eyes fixated on his. She reached him and stood slightly on her tip-toes and kissed his lips, his scar, and slowly up the side of his face. Her full breasts brushed up against his chest, all the while gazing into each other’s eyes. She drew herself full to his body, which unlocked him from his frozen state. He gently cupped her bottom, caressing down her legs then up her back. Her head dipped back and eyes closed as his lips made his way down her neck. “Lorelai,” he breathed into her neck. A moan escaped her lips, and went straight to his loins. Her hands moved through his hair, as his fingers teased their way lightly to the fold of her sex.

“INQUISITOR? INQUISITOR ARE YOU THERE?”

With a jerk, Loralai sat upright in her tub, choking on and inhaling water through her nose. Blast and damnation, it burns! She cursed herself for letting Dagna put in that stupid sending crystals Once she grabbed hold of Dorian‘s idea for the crystals, it was all she could focus on. _It’ll come in useful she said it’s good security, Inquisitor! Oh, and you can keep people out! And the stairs. Maker there is a lot of stairs to your quarters. But really, it’s for the security, of course. Convenience you know? Did I mention stairs?_ Yes, Dagna, you fucking mentioned the stairs! Fuming and still coughing from the water, she went over to the pager rune. “What.Is.It??” Startled silence on the other end. “Ahem, I beg your pardon, Inquisitor, but Lord Dorian Pavus is requesting to see you.”

“No, send him away.” In the background came a very indignant “I beg your pardon!” from Dorian. Lorelai snorted back a giggle at the tone in his voice, and was suddenly aware of how ridiculous the whole situation was. Here she was, the grand Inquisitor, standing naked and shivering from a lovely bath-turned-sex dream, with a man who couldn’t be less interested in her, only to awaken short of a gratification by drowning in her own tub. The giggle bubbled up and escaped, “I mean, um, of course, send him up.”

“Right away, Inquisitor.” replied the guard.

Lorelai giggled all the way to her wardrobe and quickly towel dried off and put on a gold flowers on black silk robe and cinched the belt at her waist. Her body was still throbbing from her dream, as if she had physically been fooling around, and not just in a dream. _How is that possible?_ She picked up her brush and began on her hair just as Dorian entered her room, an offended look on his face. Lorelai took one look at him, and dissolved into a fit of laughter. “Dorian, I’m so sorry. You just…woke me…from a very, um, pleasant dream.”

The look on Dorian’s face changed into interest. “Hmmm…pleasant you say? Care to elaborate?”

“Um, no. At all.” Her face flushed as she remembered.

“Ooo, a naughty dream then. I must hear all the sordid details!” He leaned against her bed and gave her his undivided attention.

Lorelai paused mid brush stroke. She’d not spoke a word of her dreams to anyone, as they embarrassed her, and it really wasn‘t the sort of thing she wanted spread around Skyhold. But Dorian was her closest friend and confidant, and she trusted him more than anyone. “Dorian,” she began slowly, “I’ve been having these really vivid dreams since coming to Skyhold…and I just…I don’t…know what to make of them. I thought about asking my Trainer, but she‘s so, I don‘t know, scattered, and I don‘t want to have to decipher her answers.” Beginning to feel agitated, she began to pace in front of the fireplace, and tap her brush against her palm. “And I don’t think it’s like the time Solas and I met in our dreams at Haven. Solas knew he was there, and he was an active participant.”

Dorian’s slate-grey eyes studied her. “Well,” he drawled, “I’m no expert on Dreamers, but I do recall from your little venture with Solas that he did say you’d become an incredibly focused dreamer due to the anchor.” Dorian rose and stopped her pacing and took her hands in his and sat her at her vanity. “Come, sit. Give me the brush. It’ll be soothing. Now then, have you spoken to Solas about these dreams?”

“No,” she replied, “I’ve not said a word to anyone until now.” She bite her lip. “Maybe I should go speak with him. I need to figure this out. I’ll do that tomorrow. Tonight,” she said theatrically, “I seduce a man!”

Dorian’s lips curved up, “What a coincidence! Those are my exact plans as well. I take it your going after our strapping Commander?”

Lorelai, clearly startled, asked “Why would you think that?”

Dorian dramatically rolled his eyes. “Please, I see where your eyes wander when you think no one is looking, my friend. I must commend you on your taste of men.” Dorian wiggled his eyebrows.

Lorelai chuckled, “Well, you a wrong on this count. Blackwall is on the agenda tonight.” Dorian looked appalled, “That brutish thug! Seriously, I thought you had better taste than that.”

Lorelai laughed lightly, “Ah, come on. It’s just be a little roll in the hay. Quite literally, maybe.” She looked at her reflection in the mirror. Dorian had braided her hair down her back, starting at the part on the left side on the top of her head, then looped it around itself at the nap of her neck, creating a very lovely braided bun. “I think you missed your calling, Dorian. This is beautiful.”

“Yes, well, seems a waste for a roll in the hay, as you so eloquently put it with that barbarian.” Dorian’s eyes turned serious. “Be careful, Lor. Blackwall is a serious man…he may be looking at this as more than a fling.” He held up his hand before she could speak, “Please, just be careful.” Lorelai was touched by Dorian’s concern, although she felt it was misplaced. To pacify him, she gave him a peck on the check, “I promise Dorian. I’ll be careful. Now, help me pick out an outfit and let’s paint the town red!”


	3. Cullen Awakens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen awakens from his dream, and realizes he may have missed his chance.

Cullen awoke with a start, and muffled a howl of frustration as need coursed through his body. He rolled over onto his arms and crushed the sheet in his hands, and slowly counted to ten. Unlike the other dreams he had where they were mostly vague, this one he remembered with startling clarity. He had to speak with Cassandra, and soon. The dreams and nightmares were becoming out of control. He finally had to admit that he couldn’t do it, that he failed. He was doomed to take lyrium for the rest of his days.

 

He wondered what Lorelai would think knowing that he failed. She never seemed to falter, and always seemed so assured of her decisions. He thought back to Haven, and how her courage and fortitude had won the Inquisition both the gratitude of the masses and the help of valuable allies. She had stared down Corypheus, and his dragon, after Haven was decimated and came out on top. She had allied the Inquisition with the mages, which had not pleased him at the time, but he had come to realize their value to the Inquisition’s cause, and he had, surprisingly, come to befriend some of the mages. Perhaps trust between mages and Templars could be restored. She had completely charmed and beguiled the Orlesian court at the Winter Palace, and on top of that, she had saved Celene’s throne, and had wrangled all three powers - Celene, Gaspard, and Briala - to work together; a feat he would’ve though impossible. And as if that weren’t enough, she had defeated the Demon army at Adamant and survived the fade and the nightmare Demon. Truly, she was a remarkable woman, and hadn’t broken or crumbled underneath the massive strain of responsibility.

 

Compassion, he thought, was what drove her. She had agonized over the decision between going to the mages or Templars for help in closing the breach, and knew she faced terrible guilt over what happened to the Templars. He knew instinctively that she wouldn’t view him as a failure, and that she would do all she could to help him break his addiction. But could he really lay this burden at her feet?

 

Slowly he got up from the bed and put on some casual clothing. He still felt off, and slightly agitated, and thought some fresh air would do him good. He climbed the ladder down to his office and exited out to the battlements. He leaned against the stone, closed his eyes, and took in the warm breeze and the last rays of warmth from the sun as it set behind the snow capped mountains. The sky took on incredible hues of reds, purples and oranges, and he felt at last a great deal calmer and relieved that the crisis had passed, at least for the moment. He contemplated the dream he’d just had about Lorelai. Maybe he could tell her how he felt. Maybe she would wait for him to be clean from the lyrium, he thought hopefully.

 

He turned and looked down at the market area and stables. Business at Skyhold was flourishing, and their mounts had excellent care under Master Dennett. As he took in the scene below with pride, he saw Lorelai, Blackwall, and Dorian climbing up the stairs and heading towards the Herald’s Rest Tavern. He felt a slight ache in his chest and another regret settle into his mind as he saw Blackwall with his hand on the small of Lorelai’s back. _I’m too late_ , he thought. _Once again, I’m too late._


	4. Gearing Up for Date Night

Dorian and Lorelai rushed down the stairs of Skyhold, intent on their destination. After much debate, Lorelai chose to wear a floor length dress of cream colored lace over delicate rose hued chiffon. She loved the way it swirled around her and made her feel utterly feminine. The bodice dipped teasingly low and the sleeves were of sheer fabric from her elbows to her wrist. The tavern that night was showcasing local singing talent, and everyone liked to dress up for these type of events. There would be singing and dancing, with the beer and wine flowing freely. One of the changes Lorelai had instituted as Inquisitor was that everyday life was not only made safe, but pleasant for all residing at Skyhold.

It had caused a little bit of contention at the war table when she had brought up the issue. “Now that we’ve settled at Skyhold and the major repairs are finished, I’d like to focus on our culture here: Singing, dancing, fairs, artists from all walks of life. I want Skyhold to be the center of cultural exchange,” she said firmly. “But Inquisitor,” Josephine started, as her waved her quill pen around, “There is still so much left to do. Surely we should continue with defensive rebuilding measures and tracking down Corypheus!” Lorelai turned to face Josephine and said, “I understand. Of course we’re still mounting our defense against Corypheus, and Skyhold is becoming more secured every day. But Josie, have you walked among the people here? They’re scared, and they need some sense of normalcy. As do I. Having soldiers march about in training all day and having catapults,” she arched her eyebrows directly at Cullen, who flushed, “constantly being calibrated and worked on does not make for an easy life. We cannot merely continue to exist. We must flourish, and not sit in the corner cowering like scared little rabbits. We cannot forget to live, Ambassador.” Jose still looked uncertain, and Lorelai sighed, and played what she thought as her trump card, “And Ambassador,” she murmured, “our allies would be impressed that Skyhold is not only defensively sound, but also known as the epicenter of arts and culture…” Josephine’s face brightened immediately, “Oh, of course, Inquisitor. Our allies do have expectations of us. Come then, let’s make our lists of what needs to be done. First, as to building materials…”

It was Leliana who was the most enthused out of her counselors of the proposed changes, and together, they flew into a flurry expanding the Herald’s Rest Tavern and they commissioned that a stage be built for the entertainers, lighting, extra seats, a floor for dancing, and an upgraded kitchen. The result was just as Lorelai had wished for. The haunted, dull look in the people’s eyes were dimming and was replaced by hope and joy, and life at the castle had become not only safe, but comfortable. As an added bonus along the way, she and Leliana became fast friends, and found out they shared many of the same views of the chantry and the same passions and joys of life.

The tavern came into sight, and already music and singing could be heard, but she pulled Dorian the other way towards the flight of stairs leading down to the level one entry courtyard. Dorian made a sound of protest, and Lorelai quickly held up her hand and said, “We just need to get Blackwall. It’ll just take a moment.” A sour look crossed Dorian’s face and he rolled his eyes upwards and muttered under his breath about brutish thugs. Lorelai giggled and took his hand in hers as they quickly went down the stairs, and hurried towards the stables.

They entered the barn and saw Blackwall there, his glacier blue eyes focused on the fire and his arms crossed at his chest. Lorelai’s heart gave an unexpected flutter at seeing him standing there like that, so stoic and somehow unshakable. This is a dependable man, she realized, and for the first time, felt uneasy at her plans for an affair. At the sound of their footsteps Blackwall turned around and gave her an easy smile.

“Hey you,“ Lorelai murmured into his ear as she gave him a hug, “Do you want to head up with us to the tavern with us tonight for a drink? Possibly some dancing? Maybe a hint of debauchery?” Blackwall’s lips curved to a smile, and said, “Yes, I’ve got a hankering for some company. After you, m‘lady” Impatiently, Dorian motioned for them to follow him, “Yes, well then, let go. We’ve wasted enough time dilly-dallying. Let’s get some drinks, my friend! I can hear the Ferelden beer just screaming my name” Dorian sauntered out of the stables and up the stairs with Lorelai and Blackwall trailing in his wake.

Blackwall put his hand low on her back to guide, and Lorelai felt oddly comforted and protected by the gesture. She glanced up at his face, and he peered down at her, gauging her reaction. She looked into his eyes and smiled, though she felt unsure of how she felt at the moment. As they reached the tavern door, she glanced over her shoulder, and up on the battlements, she saw Cullen staring down intensely at them. Her heart leapt at the sight of him, and she wondered what he was thinking at that moment. The door to the tavern opened, and she was escorted inside. Lorelai pressed her hand against her stomach, which had become knotted by her thoughts between Blackwall and Cullen. Again she wondered, am I making the right choice?


	5. The Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blackwall and the Inquisitor enjoy a night out at the Skyhold tavern and added some music choices that pop into my head when I think about this story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the encounter between Blackwall and the Inquisitor. Hope you like it!

The tavern was lively with music and dancing and drink already. The party of three were lead to a table with a good view of the stage. Lorelai loved nights like these, where the people were out having fun, and she could pretend, for a few hours at least, that she wasn’t Inquisitor. That she was just a normal woman having a normal night out with friends.

On the table, there was a place card listed with all the featured singers. Tonight the featured lineup was Blackmore’s Night, Qntal with Loreena McKennitt closing out the set. They’d all sang at the tavern before and were well loved, which was why the place was near bursting. Lorelai sat giddy in her seat, the need to get up and dance nearly overwhelming. Blackmore’s Night was currently on stage singing _All for One_ and had the whole place up on it’s feet dancing and clapping. Blackwall and Dorian looked at her with amusement, and Blackwall said, “Care to dance, my lady Inquisitor?” Lorelai shot out of her seat and grabbed his hand with excitement, “Yes! I didn’t know you danced.” A cloud came over Blackwall’s face for a moment before he forced a smile, “Yes, I dance. I learned…a long time ago.” Dorian narrowed his eyes in speculation, but before he could comment, Iron Bull came over and clapped Dorian on his back, nearly sending him face first into the table and boomed with his loud voice “Dorian! Blackwall! Inquisitor! You’re here! Drinks are on me!” Lorelai burst out laughing at Bull’s obvious drunken state and Bull turned to leer at Dorian, “How you doin’ big guy?”

Dorian rolled his eyes, “Sit down before you fall down, you inebriated beast.”

“Ha! I can hold my drink.” Bull sat down with a thud on the chair as the barmaid came over. Bull ordered a round for everyone and various food for everyone. As Dorian and Bull got into a heated discussion over what constituted as a good drink, Blackwall pulled Lorelai to the dance floor. The singers had just started their last song, _Under a Violet Moon_ , and Lorelai smiled at him, so happy at this moment in time, it was as if nothing else existed but them and the music. The spun, clasped hands with one arm above their head, and the other at their waist. Blackwall was a surprisingly agile dancer, and she wondered fleetingly how a Grey Warden learned how to dance.

The night passed by in a blur of laughing faces, drinks and friends. The sun had long set, and Dorian and Bull looked as though they were having a drinking competition at the bar egged on by fellow patrons, with friendly insults such as “’Vint Asshole” and “overbearing brute” raging between them with grins on their faces. Lorelai and Blackwall were back at their table, fingers laced and leaning in to one another - Lorelai, because she was tipsy, and Blackwall because he liked the way her hair, which had pretty much all fallen out of her bun, brushed against his cheek and shoulders and the way she leaned against him made him feel very much a man, and very protective of her. “Lor…” he began. Sighed. Lorelai smirked at him, “You’re brooding.”

“I am not.” he stated, with a crease in his brow.

“I like brooding,” she replied teasingly. Blackwall stared at her intensely. “I’m not worthy of you. I’m not right for you, and there is no life for us with me as a warden. I…I…have a past…that I’m not proud of.” He suddenly clammed up, overcome and unable to speak. “Blackwall,” Lorelai said gently, “Come, let get out of here where we can talk and clear the air a bit.” He nodded his consent and they left the tavern.

They wandered down to the stables silently, her arm linked with his, each trying to think of what to say. He led her upstairs to his sleeping quarters and turned to face her with his hands holding hers. “I meant what I said at the tavern,” Blackwall started “I’m not worthy of you. You’re the Inquisitor. I’m just…me. You balance the fate of nations in the palm of your hand and make decisions that shake the world. I would just bring you down.” She looked at him with compassion, “Yes, I’m the Inquisitor, but that’s not all I am. I’m a daughter, a sister, a friend. We’re not just defined by one title or role in our lives,” she sighed, and wondered at the timing of this conversation, “You don’t know what is going to happen in the future any more than I do. All we can do is take it one day at a time, and live our lives to the fullest. You have worth, Blackwall. And the decisions I make, they’re always backed by my closet circle, and that includes you. Everyone is part of this. You’re part of this. You've helped shape the Inquisition into what it is today” Blackwall closed his eyes and looked down, “Maybe you’re right.”

Lorelai caressed his face, “I don’t know what will happen between us. Maybe it’ll just be for tonight, or maybe this is the start of something. I don’t know. But for right now, tonight, let it just be us. I can‘t make you any promises. And I can‘t explain why to you right now,” she smiled sadly, “You’re not the only one with secrets and skeletons in the closet. But right now, I just want you, I want to be held, wanted.” Blackwall cupped her chin and kissed her softly, and slowly started backing her up to his bed, and he murmured softly, “I need you. Maker, I need you. But there’s things you need to know…things I've done…” She clasped her hands around his neck and pulled him gently down to her on the bed, “Later, Blackwall. For now, let it just be us.” He leaned in fully to the kiss then. Despite her words, she wondered what secrets Blackwall was hiding, and if they would hurt her. Or the Inquisition. Her heart leapt at that painfully. No. No, he would never endanger the Inquisition. And Leliana would’ve found out by now. Blackwall’s hands roamed her body as she responded to him. But the questions took root in the back of her mind, and started to grow. She shut her eyes tight, and banished all thoughts and focused just on him. Everything would be fine, she said to herself. Just fine.

 

 

 

 


End file.
